A step-by-step guide to understanding and responding to late arrivals with empathy, structure, and intention

Let’s talk about timing

When someone consistently arrives just as the meeting starts, or a few minutes after, it can spark frustration, confusion, or concern. But before jumping to conclusions, it’s worth asking: what’s really going on?

Sometimes lateness is about logistics. Sometimes it’s about power, overwhelm, or unclear expectations. And sometimes, it’s a quiet signal that something in the system isn’t working.

This guide helps you explore the “why” behind last-minute entrances, and how to respond in ways that support both accountability and care.

Notice the Pattern, Not Just the Moment

One late arrival might be circumstantial. A pattern tells a story.

☑ Ask yourself:

• Is this a one-off or a recurring behaviour?
• Does it happen in certain contexts (e.g. team meetings, external events)?
• Is it affecting others’ ability to participate or feel respected?

✍ The pattern I’ve noticed is ____________________________
and it tends to happen when ____________________________.

Consider the Possible Causes

Lateness can stem from many sources—some personal, some systemic.

☑ Possible reasons include:

• Overbooked schedules or unrealistic expectations
• Unclear start times or norms around punctuality
• Anxiety, neurodivergence, or executive functioning challenges
• Power dynamics or disengagement
• Care responsibilities or transport issues

✍ One possible contributing factor might be ____________________________
and I want to explore it with curiosity, not blame.

Reflect on the Impact

Even if the cause is understandable, the impact still matters.

☑ Consider:

• Does it delay the group or create tension?
• Does it signal a lack of care or commitment (intentionally or not)?
• Are others adjusting their behaviour in response?

✍ The impact I’ve observed is ____________________________
and it’s affecting ____________________________.

Open a Conversation, Not a Confrontation

If the pattern continues, it’s worth naming—with care.

☑ Try saying:

• “I’ve noticed you often arrive just as we’re starting—can we talk about what’s going on?”
• “Is there anything we can adjust to help you arrive on time?”
• “I want to make sure everyone feels respected and included—what would support that for you?”

✍ A phrase I might use to open the conversation is:
“__________________________________________________________”

Revisit the System, Not Just the Person

Sometimes the issue isn’t individual—it’s structural.

☑ Ask:

• Are meetings scheduled back-to-back with no buffer?
• Are expectations around punctuality clearly communicated?
• Is lateness being unintentionally rewarded or ignored?

✍ One system-level change we could try is ____________________________.

Final Reflection: What Does “On Time” Really Mean?

Punctuality is often framed as a moral virtue, but it’s also cultural, contextual, and relational. What would it mean to build systems that support timeliness and understanding?

✍ If we reframed lateness as a signal, not a flaw, we might learn ____________________________.

Pop over to Gwenin for a selection of frameworks, or pop over to Spiralmore’s collections. You’re also welcome to explore our more relaxed corner: the informal blog.